February has become a bit of a special month for me, and is the anniversary month for two important things. One is my joining the Her Messy Bun community, Consciously Creative (I joined on February 2nd!); and two is my posting my first videos on Tiktok (two days involved). February 6th, 2022 had me posting an intro video to my DFP series. Then February 7th, 2022 (a year ago today!) was when I posted my video on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. And over the last year, I grew so much because of those two areas of my life. But now it’s time to continue growing.
Where to begin
Earlier today, I attended morning pages through the Her Messy Bun community, as well as attended a group coaching/clarity call. And let me tell you, it was exactly what I needed today. For those who are unaware, ‘Morning Pages’ originated with Julia Cameron in her book, the Artist’s Way (which is such a good book). They are 3 pages (or 30 minutes worth) of stream of conscious writing. Danielle, who created the Her Messy Bun community, uses a variation of morning pages (with guided prompts that are a little more business focused) during the sessions she hosts.
Today’s prompt was about what lessons of growth have we learned in our life. It got me thinking and recognizing and acknowledging that while I have let myself grow in some areas (Tiktok was specifically mentioned), I have had such an ingrained mindset when it comes to other areas of my life (like this website and other longer forms of content), that no growth is possible because I don’t let myself fail.
That devious cycle that I have found myself in is this:
If something takes hard work to do, that equals a greater risk of failure. If there’s a greater risk of failure, then I have a greater desire to avoid failure. To avoid failure, I end up avoiding the thing I wanted to do, and nothing gets done.
Pretty awful, right? Because in my mind, why waste time on something that won’t guarantee me a positive outcome? Regardless of whether or not I actually grow in a positive way, if it wasn’t already at a level that would bring a positive outcome, I wasn’t letting myself do it.
And yet, why have I been able to grow on Tiktok? Simply because it was new. No, that’s not entirely true. I had had a Tiktok account for a year, maybe longer, before I started posting videos. And I had almost posted twice before I actually started, but I didn’t think those videos… Not that I thought they were bad, but I didn’t think I would be able to continue doing them, because it might put me in a box, creatively.
And you know what?
I was wrong.
Yes, I decided to focus on the DFP at first on Tiktok, because I knew I could create videos and have something to say that would bring viewers (because Disney). I don’t regret that, because I have been able to branch out more as I continued posting, but the DFP did also give me a steady guide of content that I could create next.
BUT mindset-wise, I looked at TikTok differently than I have any other social media site as well as my blog. I told myself that the number of likes wouldn’t matter. The numbers in general wouldn’t matter. I was going to post so that I could practice creating video content, so that I could practice getting comfortable in front of the camera, instead of always being behind it.
Where to go from here
Which brings me to today, and the group clarity call. After the morning page session that I had, I didn’t have any specific questions to ask during the call. Instead, I sought advice on changing my mindset. And as I mentioned earlier, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I took notes during that call, because I wanted to remember what was being said, and I am ready to start over.
Not literally, and not with everything (because I spent a year building up Tiktok, heck no am I restarting that). But I am going to change my mindset and essentially start over with the following:
- The way that I view and create content for my website (which is long overdue),
- How I view and interact with the other social media channels
- And finally, how I view and create content for my soon-to-exist Youtube channel
So today, on the anniversary of posting my first DFP video on TikTok, I am giving myself permission to grow. It’ll be messy, it will be hard, and there will be a lot of changes happening on this site, both good and not-so-good. But I am giving myself permission to grow so that I can take joy in the journey, rather than letting myself remain stuck out of fear of failure.
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