Today’s post is not one that I usually write; in fact, it’s not one that I hardly ever write. As the title says, it involves me being vulnerable, which I have always tried to avoid. But I want to be authentic and transparent on this site, so I wanted to share this.
Maybe it was the fact that Daylight Savings ended today that caused all of this. Okay, I wish that that could be the reason, but I got enough sleep, so it wasn’t as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. However, I did wake up still drowsy and not wanting to leave my bed.
I have been dreading the end of Daylight Savings for the past month because I realized what it would mean for my tutoring job. I teach at 6 in the morning (2 of my students live in South Korea), but now because of Daylight Savings ending, I will be teaching at 5. So if I ever randomly publish a post at 4 in the morning, that’s why I’m awake at that awful hour.
Let’s do a rehash of the day
But I don’t think that was entirely why. I had crashed at my parents’ house for the weekend, so I was driving back to my place this morning. During the drive, I was having some one-on-one time with God, just getting things out into the open.
One of my current problems that was discussed is that there was a job that I had started the interview process for and that I don’t think I will be getting. I usually wouldn’t be crying about not getting a job opportunity. I mean, that’s just a part of life. But I was full-on sobbing today. Sobbing. Thankfully traffic wasn’t too bad, so I doubt any drivers noticed the girl sobbing in her car on the freeway.
After I was done crying, my emotions were drained. I was drained. I was still planning on going to church because I wanted to partake of the sacrament and try to feel some sense of peace in an otherwise lousy morning. But I still couldn’t shake this low feeling. I was late to church, though still making it in time for the sacrament, but left after sacrament ended because I didn’t have it in me to be around people.
I still had a Self-Reliance class in the afternoon that I needed to attend (one I had been attending through my church), and I thought it would be okay to take a nap beforehand. Did I wake up on time to get to class? Yes. Did I want to stay and sleep for the rest of the day? Absolutely. I kid you not, my energy levels have been extremely low today. After class was only worse because I still had things to get done and couldn’t get to sleep like I wanted to.
So this is where I’m at now
There’s not really a point or a lesson with this post; I just wanted to get it out there how my day went. I wish I could say that it’s seasonal depression, but I already know I have depression, and it doesn’t only get me during a specific time of year. But for some reason, today has just been far lower than I usually go.
It will be okay though, it’s almost time for me to go to bed, and I have a good show playing on my phone (Amazing Saturday, a Korean variety show) that has helped my mood a bit tonight. So don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere and will be back with more content.
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